Move it, Move it

You may have heard, last night or this morning, I guess, Seattle experienced an Earthquake.

I know, I didn't know either...that is until I took the kids to ski school. After I heard the report I forgot about immediately.

Until dinner.

Bob asked if I knew there was an Earthquake. And I was all, yeah, why? He was all, well did you feel it? And I was all, yeah I think so. I mean I had a dream that I was in high seas and I was holding on for dear life and if by felt it, you mean something like that, than yes, I felt it.

Well, he continues, I was only checking because I had a dream that there was an Earthquake and that the house was falling in. I was totally panicking in my dream, it was so real. But, I dismissed it and never really thought about it again.

So, you felt it?

He was all, yeah I think so.

Just then a little voice from the couch speaks up. Um, was the Earthquake what was shaking my bed last night? What do you mean shaking your bed, son? (I was totally picturing something from Paranormal State.) Well, it was shaking and then it stopped shaking, you know, right before I came to sleep with you guys. Oh, um, yes it was the Earthquake.

Um, yeah, so one person totally felt it.

It may be time to reconsider my New Years (non) Resolutions when...

5 days after attempting to knock my husband out while playing Wii Boxing for 2 minutes and 5 seconds my right arm is still so sore that I cannot lift it above my head.

Apparently, I am out of shape. Gasp!

Apparently, I should have resolved to get in shape in 2009 instead of boasting about how I do not do resolutions because FAILURE is not in my vocabulary. Although, OUT OF SHAPE has never been in my vocabulary either because, you know, round is totally a shape.

Because nothing says crazy quite like discussing goldfish suicide rates

It was 1:50 am.

I was desperately trying to fall back asleep after putting Aspen back to bed for the umpteenth time and, I'll just come right out and say it, I was a little scared.

Scared?

Yeah, it seems that watching the marathon of Paranormal State a few weeks ago has only one benefit - making me think suddenly The Dark is something to fear. Every creak, every shift, every bubble from the fish tank sounds as if the spirits are starting a coup to take over my bed while I lay there helplessly wondering if they'll kill me or just torture me with noises all night.

I decide on the latter and continue trying to fall back asleep but settling down proves difficult after you've convinced yourself there are ghosts in your room trying to kill you and your family.

Welcome to my world.

You can see why my husband has forbid me to watch scary shows but, you know, I don't really listen to him.

It also doesn't help that we stayed up until midnight (an epic feat) watching Funny Games, which if you didn't know is an awful movie where two deranged young men take a vacationing family hostage and proceed to kill them off one by one starting with their child. I know, huge surprise I was a big fat scared-y cat last night, isn't?

So it's now 2 am and I desperately try to chase sleep that would not come. Suddenly, I hear a noise that is not at all familiar, like someone throwing something. A few seconds later I feel something bounce onto my bed. My heart races - I knew they were in here. Hesitant I roll over and look for the object that They (the ghosts) threw onto my bed. But, there is nothing. My mind races - This must be what it feels like to go crazy.

I laid there as still as possible plotting my next move.

Breathe, I keep telling myself, Bob is right there if I need him.

So, I wait...knowing if They were trying to scare me they'd be at it again in no time.

A few minutes pass, I scan the room incessantly trying to see Them but see nothing.

Suddenly, I hear another strange noise, this time I can see where I hear the noise coming from and, again, I see nothing. Strange, I think, but seeing nothing gave me the courage to stand up and turn on a light.

To my relief, I see that "They" is just our goldfish, Goldie, flopping around on the floor.

This is Goldie's second suicide attempt in as many days. I think Goldie needs a psychiatric evaluation, although, I am certain she is doing this for the attention after all not once has she left a note.
__________

Please note Goldie is doing well and resting this morning after a traumatic attempt to take her own life last night. As for me, well I'm just as crazy as ever if only slightly more tired because of the fifteen minutes of sleep I lost thinking the ghosts in my house were trying to kill me.

I am Certain this Isn't What Nana Had in Mind...

...when she daydreamed on Waterfront property. Well, I actually have no idea whether or not Nana ever dreamed of Waterfront property but lord knows I did, and, this is devastating.

The good news is that the water has receded and the clean-up has begun. The bad news is that Nana lost a bit more then she anticipated, mainly the Hot Water Tank, Furnace and a few heirlooms that were misplaced in the garage and not the house.

Over the weekend Nana tackled most of the mess thanks to strapping young lads who volunteered with a local church to help with clean-up efforts. One of the lads even stayed back while the others dumped a load a garbage.

Their arrival was a miracle, really.

Nana needed help, and there they were backing into her driveway asking if they could help her.

Almost makes me want to go back to Church. Hey, I said almost.

A view of some of the damage caused, if you don't remember, by this.

Half of the contents of the garage.


The perimeter of the back yard is littered with random debris, garbage and firewood only some of the items actually belong to Nana.

Proof that the flood went to the seventh step, two steps higher then the flood in 2006.

The red tagged Furnace and Hot water tank.

Lastly, the woods behind Nana's property, it is filled with even MORE random debris then her yard and if you look on the right hand side you'll even see a shed. You know, like a LARGE storage shed just casually askew acting as if the woods has always been its home.

And that concludes OPERATION CLEAN THAT CRAP UP!

Just Remember to Extinguish the Flame

When I get sick enough to stay in bed, I usually head to the doctor within a reasonable amount of time after not feeling better, where a "reasonable" amount of time means a day or two.

If, say, I know I have an ear infection and, say, it's bothering me enough to inhibit my hearing I head to the doctor immediately, where "immediately" means in a day or two.

Basically, I go hunting down a medical professional if I am not on the mend within a day or two of not feeling well enough to function.

With my husband, however, seeking medical advice is a bit more complicated.

If, say, he has an ear infection and cannot hear and he's had, say, a similar ear infection in the last five years he avoids the doctor like the Plague figuring whatever wisdom they dispelled upon him the first time is the exact same wisdom they will hit with again. Which, by the way, is usually, Here's two Aleve come back in a week if it's not feeling better.

I'm sure you can see where this is going? Buckle up, consider yourself warned.

We are on day 7 of the infection. How do I know this? Because I am suffering from an ear infection, too. Our symptoms started at the same time.

Yes, my ear is stuffy, yes, it is painful and if it were ever painful enough to start home remedies I'd be at the doctor, which, clearly I am not because I can't blog from their office, now can I?

So, we are both "waiting it out."

I am just suffering a whole lot more quietly.

My version of "waiting it out" includes ibuprofen and not a single damn thing anywhere near my ear.

His version of "waiting it out" includes an arsenal of items to poke inside his ear, homeopathic ear drops, tea tree oil drops, a sock full of rice which is microwaved until warm and held over his ear, and, well, a candle, just to name a few because I know I am forgetting something.

And, yes, I said a candle.

Somewhere (Nana!) my husband learned that "candling" your ear is beneficial when fighting an ear infection.

Let me let you in on a little secret, I think this homeopathic remedy is total bunk.

I've watched it a grand total of two times, and both times I never really saw any benefit except for maybe some sort of ancient ear wax removing ritual and if that's the case then, wow, what an honor to have performed it TWICE in my own living room.

But I may be biased about homeopathic remedies in general, so who am I to decide?

I thought it might be fun to share with you the Ancient Ear Wax Removing Ritual that my husband is certain will answer his prayers and cure what ails him because, after all, I'd hate for this ritual to go unshared because I am certain this ritual was performed in public right before they sacrificed the town virgin.

(This would be a great time to fasten those seat belts if you ignored my pleas earlier.)

First you have to find ear candles. I found this one at Vitamin World but GNC carries them as well. Also I'm sure a Homeopathic type store would also carry them, although I don't even know what a store like that would be called.

Next you need to create a "protective barrier" between the candle and your client, as the directions suggest. I heeded this advice since I am rather fond of my client. I simply cut into a paper plate making an opening just large enough to allow the candle room to fit snugly.

I took a picture of the inside of the candle. It is hollow. As you can see there is nothing inside. The dot at the end is where the candle funnels to a point, so as to fit into someones ear comfortably.

Next, have your subject lay down with the affected ear pointed up to the ceiling and place the candle inside. (We did it this way but the directions said to light candle, distinguish flame and let smolder then insert...um, it never smoldered, it just extinguished, so flame on!)

As stated previously, flame on! (Be careful here not to let your documenting get in the way of your actual task at hand, things can get a little dicey, after all, your client does not want to be harmed.)

Once lit, let her burn!

And burn!

And burn some more, baby!

I judged this as being a good end point. I mean, you just don't want to "waste" some of the candle and quit too soon but you also don't want to burn anyone either. So, for me, this is where I said, Kids get me some water! Not really, I already had a bowl right next to me. Just pull the whole thing out and dip it in the water. And you get this!

For lots of people I am sure the story ends there but I am not one to let things go undiscovered. And I am certainly not going to stand in the way of you fully enjoying the Ancient Ear Wax Removal Ritual. So we opened that sucker up!

And we discovered that, indeed, there was some ear wax. Sadly not nearly as much as my poor suffering husband had hoped.

In an effort to get the result my husband was after we repeated the Ritual again.

And then he immediately inserted more tea tree oil drops.

And he's still miserable.

And still against the doctor.

Please do not think I am poo pooing his pain. I am not.

Who could poo poo someone who will hold a flame to his ear in shear desperation? Certainly not me.

(I love to say Poopoo!)

And if you are going to try this at home, just remember to extinguish the flame!

If it's not one thing, It's your Mother...

in law, that is. (Hi, Nana!)

Well, not her so much as Mother FREAKING Nature.

Remember earlier this week when I told you we had 6 inches of snow fall and then it rained?

Well, it rained, then it rained some more, then, hey, it even rained in the mountains where Mother FREAKING Nature decided to melt 10 inches of snow in less than 12 hours which is a recipe for disaster.

Like real disaster.

Like a disaster that has displaced over 30,000 people, including one Great Dane who was saved in a dramatic rescue by Nana (my Mother in law) in a row boat with a friend. Thank heavens for that friend because without him Duke would have met a horrible fate.

Don't believe me?

Let's take a trip together seeing as how I am seeing the damage the same way you are, through the lens of our camera because there just isn't enough room in our little boat.

Snoqualmie Falls is, um, breathtaking? Terrifying? Both? I think everyone can agree that is a whole lot of FREAKING water, yes?


The railroad tracks completely eroded with nothing left but tracks completely unsupported underneath. (sorry it's blurry, but look at the tracks and that dark space underneath is the missing "land")

The park we love to walk to. I know, you are all, what park? Where? You can see the fence behind first base to the right of the stop sign and the top of the playground is to the left in the distance.

My Mother in law's neighbor, Matt, returning from escorting his mother to her car to go to work. Matt is my kind of kid.

Drum roll, please.

My Mother in law's house. If you look closely you can see the water level on the house was about a foot higher than what it is actually visible in the photo. I guess you also can't really tell how deep that water is...it's approximately 4.5 feet deep in this picture.

Nice parking space, no?

Or, hey have you seen my refrigerator, it's missing from the garage? Oh, yes, it was back 'round the corner at Fir street.

The most excited 4-year-old in the county because Daddy insisted he was big enough to tag along.

Finally, the bridge home.

And there you have it, the grand tour of our floating city - it's a wonder why the entire city hasn't just floated away and gone over the Falls.

The river is expected to return below flood stage sometime tomorrow morning, which is a relief on one hand but an entirely LARGER headache on the other hand because, well, the recession signals the clean-up, which from reports is going to take some time, months even.

As you can also see our power has been restored which feels like we just won the lottery not having to wash those dishes by hand in the candlelight. Oh, who am I fooling, we have a generator I would have been washing the dishes by hand in a nicely lit Kitchen, but still it feels almost like winning the lottery, you know, a scratch ticket, maybe.

So, I've decided to include these photo's in Candid Carrie, Friday Foto Finish Fiesta, you know for the Fun of it. Come join!

Secretly I think we all wish our hands weren't blue

"I wish my hands weren't blue," he states quietly from the backseat realizing that the stamping project that got out of control last night left behind blue hands.

It's as if the new year suddenly made him realize that people, children especially, notice anything out of the ordinary and now, all of the sudden, he cares.

Today was his first day of preschool and lucky for us it snowed six inches last night and then it rained.

The roads are a mess.

To top it off I lost my Parent Handbook in the holiday shuffle which is like the Bible for Preschool, without it you are lost. I even cleaned out my car this morning hoping to find the paper work and avoid an embarrassing phone call.

Turns out it's a good thing I placed the embarrassing phone call because when the school district is delayed, our Preschool runs at its regular time. Plus, seeing as how we are starting mid-year and the week before the holiday break was cancelled due to weather conditions the Preschool had not exactly focused on our arrival.

So, while we were busy throwing on clothes for our late arrival on our first day, the Preschool was busy figuring out where to put our mailbox, printing our invoice and generally preparing to not look so unprepared. It made me feel so much better about making that call because I might have been a little peeved that we were neglected if we showed up and they were all who are you?

Amazingly the only meltdown was had by the 2-year-old while leaving school because OMGtherearepaintsandIwanttopaintWHYCAN'TIPAINTnononoiwanttopaintandcircletimeiwanttostay.
I'd say it was a success.

Upon picking him up his teacher told me he is an amazing little boy. I know she has to say that but it still made me feel really good that she noticed.

Also, he says no one noticed that his hands were blue.

I present Kyan and his sister on his first day of Preschool.
He held back his jacket to ensure that the snails made it into the picture!

The Christmas Where We All Learn A Valuable Lesson About Chocolate

It's the first of the year (well, the second actually, but who's counting?) and while many people are resolving to be better, do better and love more, I am not. I don't do resolutions because setting myself up to FAIL is just not how I operate.

So, while I'm busy resolving not to resolve I'd like to share a funny moment from our holiday.

My oldest brother lives three hours from the rest of the family and as you can imagine with six kids the trip to our town rarely happens. Most of the time we celebrate Christmas after the fact because actually commuting for the event would be ridiculous. Usually they drive to us.

This year we drove to them.

On Christmas day my Dad came for dinner and my kids received their presents "early" from Grandpa while their cousins gifts would be opened together at my brother's celebration.

Well, my Dad always thinks about the kids' feelings. Always.

At their birthdays he usually brings presents for the siblings because he doesn't want them to feel left out. It is quite possibly the sweetest thing, ever. And, actually it shows how caring my Dad really is despite his cranky old guy shenanigans he often shows the world.

Anyway, at my brother's house it was present time and my Dad being the caring guy that he is had the forethought to have a small gift for my two kids to open with their cousins despite having already received their presents on Christmas.

I handed my Dad his bag of loot to pass out the children.

He looks up at me and tosses two presents my way and says, "You already gave the kids theirs?"

Puzzled, I tossed the bags back in his direction and said, "No! We did not help ourselves to your presents."

In the toss back to him I notice a few tears in the bags. Indeed they had been opened but certainly not by us.

I laugh and ask where he had stored the bag of presents overnight because if I am not mistaken squirrel like tears look an awful lot like toddler tears.

His reply, "Outside!?" In the process of responding Dad started to realize that maybe outside was not an ideal place to store presents with chocolate in them.

I was doing my best to contain my laughter because "Dad, do you mean outside with wild animals?" And he was all, "Yes, because the chocolate was melting in my house because it was too warm."

Dad was doing his best to defend his reasoning but realizing his mistake after all of us were chiming in about the animal celebration that occurred after the discovery of such glorious prizes.

We went on and on about how the squirrels had spent all night dragging the chocolate piece by piece to their party. And then how all those squirrels are now dead after consuming poisonous amounts of chocolate but man, those few hours were so worth it. Really, there isn't really a better way to end it if you ask me.

Long after we realized what had happened I am still laughing. I am not laughing at my Dad just about the fact that it happened, I mean what are the odds? Thank goodness the only edible presents were the ones for my children - the ones who were already spoiled by him.

Let this be a lesson, never, never ever store your chocolate outside. (You are welcome.)