Just Remember to Extinguish the Flame

When I get sick enough to stay in bed, I usually head to the doctor within a reasonable amount of time after not feeling better, where a "reasonable" amount of time means a day or two.

If, say, I know I have an ear infection and, say, it's bothering me enough to inhibit my hearing I head to the doctor immediately, where "immediately" means in a day or two.

Basically, I go hunting down a medical professional if I am not on the mend within a day or two of not feeling well enough to function.

With my husband, however, seeking medical advice is a bit more complicated.

If, say, he has an ear infection and cannot hear and he's had, say, a similar ear infection in the last five years he avoids the doctor like the Plague figuring whatever wisdom they dispelled upon him the first time is the exact same wisdom they will hit with again. Which, by the way, is usually, Here's two Aleve come back in a week if it's not feeling better.

I'm sure you can see where this is going? Buckle up, consider yourself warned.

We are on day 7 of the infection. How do I know this? Because I am suffering from an ear infection, too. Our symptoms started at the same time.

Yes, my ear is stuffy, yes, it is painful and if it were ever painful enough to start home remedies I'd be at the doctor, which, clearly I am not because I can't blog from their office, now can I?

So, we are both "waiting it out."

I am just suffering a whole lot more quietly.

My version of "waiting it out" includes ibuprofen and not a single damn thing anywhere near my ear.

His version of "waiting it out" includes an arsenal of items to poke inside his ear, homeopathic ear drops, tea tree oil drops, a sock full of rice which is microwaved until warm and held over his ear, and, well, a candle, just to name a few because I know I am forgetting something.

And, yes, I said a candle.

Somewhere (Nana!) my husband learned that "candling" your ear is beneficial when fighting an ear infection.

Let me let you in on a little secret, I think this homeopathic remedy is total bunk.

I've watched it a grand total of two times, and both times I never really saw any benefit except for maybe some sort of ancient ear wax removing ritual and if that's the case then, wow, what an honor to have performed it TWICE in my own living room.

But I may be biased about homeopathic remedies in general, so who am I to decide?

I thought it might be fun to share with you the Ancient Ear Wax Removing Ritual that my husband is certain will answer his prayers and cure what ails him because, after all, I'd hate for this ritual to go unshared because I am certain this ritual was performed in public right before they sacrificed the town virgin.

(This would be a great time to fasten those seat belts if you ignored my pleas earlier.)

First you have to find ear candles. I found this one at Vitamin World but GNC carries them as well. Also I'm sure a Homeopathic type store would also carry them, although I don't even know what a store like that would be called.

Next you need to create a "protective barrier" between the candle and your client, as the directions suggest. I heeded this advice since I am rather fond of my client. I simply cut into a paper plate making an opening just large enough to allow the candle room to fit snugly.

I took a picture of the inside of the candle. It is hollow. As you can see there is nothing inside. The dot at the end is where the candle funnels to a point, so as to fit into someones ear comfortably.

Next, have your subject lay down with the affected ear pointed up to the ceiling and place the candle inside. (We did it this way but the directions said to light candle, distinguish flame and let smolder then insert...um, it never smoldered, it just extinguished, so flame on!)

As stated previously, flame on! (Be careful here not to let your documenting get in the way of your actual task at hand, things can get a little dicey, after all, your client does not want to be harmed.)

Once lit, let her burn!

And burn!

And burn some more, baby!

I judged this as being a good end point. I mean, you just don't want to "waste" some of the candle and quit too soon but you also don't want to burn anyone either. So, for me, this is where I said, Kids get me some water! Not really, I already had a bowl right next to me. Just pull the whole thing out and dip it in the water. And you get this!

For lots of people I am sure the story ends there but I am not one to let things go undiscovered. And I am certainly not going to stand in the way of you fully enjoying the Ancient Ear Wax Removal Ritual. So we opened that sucker up!

And we discovered that, indeed, there was some ear wax. Sadly not nearly as much as my poor suffering husband had hoped.

In an effort to get the result my husband was after we repeated the Ritual again.

And then he immediately inserted more tea tree oil drops.

And he's still miserable.

And still against the doctor.

Please do not think I am poo pooing his pain. I am not.

Who could poo poo someone who will hold a flame to his ear in shear desperation? Certainly not me.

(I love to say Poopoo!)

And if you are going to try this at home, just remember to extinguish the flame!