I Got 5 On it!

No better way to end the year in blogosphere than to list what it is I am thankful for in 2008.

I am thankful for...

1. THE VASECTOMY! It feels good knowing we are done even though if the decision was left to my ovaries I would have 100 more...heck even the logical part of me even thinks another wouldn't be so bad. But, lucky for us, the deed has been done and the love making has never been sweeter. YAY! for free sex!

2. Getting Laid Off. Getting Hired Again, only to end up jobless once again. It seems strange but career wise 2008 was a roller coaster. Ultimately, I still have some work but the majority of my time is now spent being a mom which was a complicated transition from full time working mom to full time mom. The only real thing that suffered was my self worth but it's safe to say I found that in the last batch of Christmas cookies. So, YAY for staying home!

3. Aspen turning 2 and let the world know, generally whilst singing. My baby is technically not a baby any more. She is sleeping in her own room usually accompanied by me around 2 am but, baby steps, people, she is my last one (see no.1).

4. Still Being in Love with My Husband. No, really. I am thankful that I still love him...it just makes life easier.

5. Having my entire family make it through the year. That may be a given but we had a scare and I am happy that everyone is still with us come years end.

A note to 2009, please for the love of all that is right please let the skinny jean thing go. Also, 2009, please let the fashion world know that the 80's weren't really rockin' the first time and seeing the bad prints out there in stores makes me want to suck my thumb in the fetal position. I am not sure if that makes me a fashion snob or just old. You decide.

Oh! And, I am also thankful for all the bloggers I have met in 2008, you guys are great! (Yes, I mean YOU!)

Christmas...It's a Wrap

So, Christmas came and went and I have not even told you one iota about it. I hate it when I do that, you know when I let life get in the way of me documenting it.

When I left you last we were busy battening down all the hatches and buying up all the gas for fear we were facing a Christmas in the dark.

While the wind it came, it never really did any damage worth documenting. Although, I think blowing our rouge chicken into the next county may be worth documenting. We can hear him, we just have no idea where he is. It's sad really because he was the one chicken who actually felt like a pet more than just another animal. Pray for his safe return.

And, it seems that the last time I was hear I was telling you about day 2 of the snow storm that never seemed to end, ever, but I didn't know that would be the case. The case was that it snowed, then it snowed some more, then the winds blew it all over, then it snowed and snowed and UPS was behind on deliveries. The UPS part is very important because it contained THE SANTA present for Aspen. And when I say "THE SANTA present" I mean the one and only because in this house (unlike my house growing up) Santa brings you one unwrapped toy.

Yes, so I had a post all ready to go on the 23rd calling all bloggers to pray for said present when miraculously the door bell rang, it was UPS with the present. So, I spent the next 47.5 hours assembling said present. Why do kids toys have so many small pieces? Those toys are harder to assemble than a desk from Ikea with directions in a foreign language and shady pictures.

It should be noted that I could not get my car out of my driveway and leave on my own accord for 11 days. 11 days. Yesterday was the first time in 11 days that I had my freedom back and boy I enjoyed every minute of it, in fact, I left twice just because I could.

Christmas eve was filled with pie baking, family, appetizers, cookie baking and our all important family gingerbread house assembling event - you know the one where siblings decide to hate each other for another year just because one's house is slightly lopsided or one's houses frosting is perfect because one sibling thought of putting the entire roof in the microwave for 10 seconds, it was genius, really.

Aspen woke at 4:30 Christmas morning because she was looking for someone to put her back to bed and not because she was anticipating that Santa had been here, although when she discovered what he'd brought attempts to go back to sleep were all but futile since HOLY COW SANTA BROUGHT ME A DOLL HOUSE!

Kyan woke around 8 to discover a T-Rex that acts like a pet. Quite possibly the coolest and most freakish toy I have ever seen. I don't know whether to be scared or amazed at its T-Rex like qualities.

Of course, both of the kids tore through the family presents like monsters looking for their next victim which basically comes down to the fact that they both made out like bandits. The rest of the day was spent playing in the snow, cooking and playing with all the loot. A smashing success if you ask me.

Bob and I have been busy hitting the after Christmas sales and wrapping up the festivities with the rest of the family who couldn't spend the day with us.

I am ready to clean up Christmas and start a New Year!

WARNING: DAMAGE COULD LAST FOR MORE THAN A WEEK!

Like most of the country we've been hit with frigid temperatures, snow and ice...all week long. The snow didn't actually hit until Wednesday night but when it did it took the entire metropolis down with it.

Here in Seattle our DOT is not equipped for snow storms because as often as they hit the investment would be a waste of money. So, when snow hits, the city is a mess of people crashing, skiing and staying home to weather the storm. Our family falls in the latter category. We see snow and think of all the good quality time we'll get as a family then after three or four hours of quality time we are left wondering when on earth is this snow ever going to melt. I am not lying. It goes like that every.single.time. And, I love it!

Right now, Bob is napping and the kids and I are recovering from our sledding this morning. Such a tough life, I know.

Anyway, this Artic Blast (wow I sound like a local news anchor when I say that) is expected to last through Christmas and according to the National Weather Service tomorrow we are supposed to be hit with a WIND STORM and let me just put it on the record that WIND STORMS are quite possibly the worst storms ever because they knock our power out for weeks and I hate them! Except I love them. You know, how often do you get to sit around with your family with no Internet or TV and just talk? Or, play board games? Losing power forces you to communicate and as much as I say I hate it, I love it!

I'll share the last part of the High Wind Warning for our area:

A HIGH WIND WATCH MEANS CONDITIONS ARE FAVORABLE FOR A DAMAGING WIND EVENT. SUSTAINED WINDS OF AT LEAST 40 MPH... OR GUSTS TO 60 MPH OR HIGHER MAY OCCUR. RESIDENTS AND LOCAL OFFICIALS IN THE WATCH AREA SHOULD BE PREPARED FOR THE POSSIBILITY OF WIDESPREAD DAMAGE AND POWER OUTAGES THAT COULD LAST FOR MORE THAN A WEEK.

Did you read that last sentence? For more than a week? Really? Because this time we don't have a squirrel for our entertainment and I am not sure what we are going to do without the squirrel!

Despite not having the squirrel, today we will be going to the grocery store and gas station because that generator doesn't run on love, although, it totally should. And, you know, when you are absolutely 100% prepared for disaster it never comes. We are hoping that the our disaster preparedness will stave off the impending outage. Make that praying!

On a good note, we've really been having a good time in the snow!

The chickens are really annoyed by the white stuff!

Kyan wants MORE snow...in fact, he thinks it needs to stay...forever!

I love the snow as long as I don't have to drive in it and since my office is at home now, the snow is my new BFF!

Aspen prefers to take the hill head on!

And, Daddy, he prefers to nap!

The Therapy Bill Increases...Again

You remember the Turkey, don't you?

Well, see, I never really told the kids that I'd be filling it with their Halloween candy that, without warning, was missing the morning after Halloween. In fact, I never really explained where the candy went because, well, no one asked. Sometimes a mom needs to just shut up and not make things harder for herself.

So that's what I did.

The Turkey made the trip to Canada with us, breaking several laws I'm sure. The Turkey was the talk of the table during every meal where he gracefully joined us knowing his death was imminent. While explaining to my brother the idea and the creative genius behind the Turkey, what with using the Halloween candy and all, I boasted about snatching my kids candy and re-using it without as much as a second thought to the fact that both of my children were within earshot.

The funny thing about kids is...they grow up. So, while one of my children paid absolutely no attention to the fact that this was her hard earned candy from Halloween, the other child took note but did not lead on that it bothered him one bit.

On Thanksgiving, after dinner, all the kids dumped the contents of the bird on the table and divvied it up in a frenzied After Thanksgiving Sale kind of way then they all sat at the table and devoured it. Simple and straight forward candy frenzy. The kind I like because there were no leftovers for me to consume.

Flash forward to this morning when we were driving back from the store. Just so you know, my son awoke at 4:00am hoping that today would be a snow day and that Daddy would get to stay home from work and play. So, as you can imagine, by 10:00am the kid was a wreck, beside himself, really, especially since the snow that was promised never came and Daddy went off to work like usual.

Where was I? Oh, yeah, while driving home from the store my son starts crying hysterically for what seemed like no reason at all. And, through his tears, he cries "Mom, I didn't even want you to give all my Halloween candy to my friends!" Just like that, completely out of the blue, he confesses how wronged he had been by me.

Honestly, I knew what I did was sneaky but I didn't know I would have repercussions weeks later after no upset during the actual candy consuming frenzy. I mustered the only thing I could think of in that desperate moment in my car, "Honey, don't you think it was better to share your candy with your cousins instead of having no candy at all?"

"Yes, " he replied, "But, it was mine and you didn't ask first!"

Where is Your Spirit?

It's the holidays, I say that like you don't already know that because I feel like maybe you are like me and have been ignoring the fact that Christmas is coming whether or not you're prepared, and sometimes it just takes a moment for me to find my spirit.

Thursday was that day.

We had a slow morning at our house. We were "resting" because of the grandiose holiday pictures that I so desperately scheduled for 1:00pm and if you didn't know, in this house, 1:00pm is nap time. But, you know, I like to wait until the last minute and scheduling photos for the holidays should be done by Thanksgiving but being someone who excels under pressure (read: avid procrastinator) I like to wait and see how long I will wait to actually make the call to schedule. Last year our photos were taken on the 22nd...of DECEMBER. So, really, I am ahead of the game seeing as how yesterday was the 11th but that's only because I discovered the joy that is online scheduling.

Back to my real story.

I get the kids ready and shove some snacks in baggies in an effort to stave off the hunger until after our pictures. On my approach to our destination I am quickly trying to finish up a conversation with my boss, "Dude, " I say, "We have an appointment...we are late...i'll have to talk to you soon." He ignores my warning and starts in on his plans to refinance his home. Now parked, Kyan decides he is going to ride in the stroller, an accessory I hadn't planned on including in our adventure but in an effort to not just hang up on my boss I let it go. So, I should have just cut him off but I am too nice so instead I hung up the phone and turned it off in an effort to pretend we were disconnected.

That is where I went wrong.

The second after pushing the power button on my phone and throwing it on my seat I slammed my door. The same door that I had locked while devising my last second evil plan to pretend to have lost cell signal. The same door that I locked while devising my last second evil plan to pretend to have lost cell signal whose keys were sitting on the console.

So, I locked both my keys and my phone in my car.

(Two words. Jack. Ass.)

We were still running a bit late and during the scheduling (online I might add) they specifically state that if you miss your check-in time you can and will lose your spot. Last year, we lucked out and were on the receiving end of a missed check-in time. Those people take their check-ins very seriously. And we were late!

Luckily, the place was dead. After all it was nap time. So, the kids smiled and pretended to love each other while I smiled and pretended that the whole debacle in the parking lot was just a figment of my imagination and that one of the four doors of my vehicle would magically just be unlocked when I returned.

No such luck.

There wasn't a payphone in sight. I mean, honestly, I haven't seen one in a while, have you? So, back to the store. I called Bob on the phone and demanded the number for AAA, he reminded me that somehow we never renewed. I reminded him this was an emergency because it was now 1:30, I have two kids, no one's eaten anything substantial since breakfast and I didn't have time for a lecture about what sort of Jack Ass I was for doing such a thing in the first place.

AAA, they rock! Also, the Babies R Us staff, they sat the kids at a table and let them color while I was on the phone. Fifteen minutes after I hung up, we were on our way.

My membership...worth every penny.

The kids decided they would like McDonald's, Micky Donald's it was.

Upon leaving Micky Donald's I notice an older lady who seemed to be struggling at her back window. I approach her to see if she needs help. I offer to let her use my cell phone or call a locksmith. She informs me tearfully that she has no money but asks to see if I have anything in my trunk to help her jimmy in. We look but only find a crow bar thing that she used in an attempt to break the back wing window. No luck. Or lots of luck considering those windows cost a fortune.

I scurry back to my car for a conference with the kids. Kyan has to go potty again and Aspen is whining happy as clam with her new pony. I decide, what the hell, what are the chances I would see someone locked out of their car on the very day I purchased my AAA membership? I had to help.


I called AAA, I took Kyan potty and chatted with a nice lady for about fifteen minutes, signed the paper work and left feeling like I did the right thing. Hoping if that were me someone would do the same.


It was in that moment I found my Holiday Spirit...when I remembered that it is better to give than to receive and as much as the advertisers want you to believe that the holidays are all about that toy or those shoes, the Holidays are really about connecting with people.


However, the malls should be forewarned, I've found my Spirit and she is in desperate need of some retail therapy and also, gifts.


I present the original reason I left my house and quite possibly the most amazing capture of my children to date because hi they are actually showing everyone how much they love each other.

If you want to join in or just browse other entries in Friday's Foto Finish Fiesta head on over to Candid Carrie...you will not be disappointed!

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree

If I haven't told you before my husband is a bonafide Redneck.

Bob's idea of "Going Green" is the color he turns just before vomiting for the 400th time because he once again insisted on his favorite Sushi Bar that makes him ill 3 out of 4 visits yet his eater's amnesia strikes and he continues returning to this establishment against his better judgement (without his wife) and "Going Green".

Without Bob realizing it he has made our Christmas "Green". Bob came home from work on Friday knowing the kids and I would be ready to get a tree.

"Can we get a tree tonight?" We all hounded him.

He ignored our pleas. He simply said, "We will. What's for dinner?"

Later I overheard a phone call that sounded as if he had a hair-brained idea to get a real live tree and put it in our living room.

"Honey?"

"What!"

"Did you say that you wanted a real tree? Like one with roots?"

"Yes. I am sick of paying the money every year for a tree and at the end of it I have nothing left but twigs to burn."

"Well, remember last year we got one from Home Depot for $39.99? I figured we'd do that again."

"No. No. We'll do that if we have to but I really want a live tree."

Flash to Saturday afternoon.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see."

....
5 minutes later
....

"Where are we going? I'm feeling car sick? Are we there yet?"

"Quit whining."

....
5 minutes later
....

"Are we there yet? Are you really making us get a tree with roots and everything? Man...I feel ill. Open a window would you?"

"Just trust me. If we don't like one or they don't have any we'll get a regular tree. Relax."

"Oh, Dad, I see one. Pull over let's take that one," Kyan says pointing to a tree on the side of the road.

....

We arrived at the Nursery 100 minutes later after the above conversation was repeated approximately 20 times.

To my surprise we are not the only crazy people in search of a real tree. They had lots of them to choose from - some were still in the ground.

So, 1 hour, 1 picture with Santa, 5 different decisions, 2 cups of hot cocoa, 1 tree shaped angel, 1 real live 6 foot tree, 1 tree bird and $120 later we left thinking the hard part was behind us.

Except it wasn't.

When we got home we had to remove the tree from the bed of the truck, a feat that had taken three people to load but when we got home there was just us and by us I mean Bob because my help is not so much called help as it is called GETTING IN THE WAY!

Between the two of us we managed to get the tree out of the truck but while doing so we aimed the roots for the pot the nursery gave us after they loaded it...probably because they knew it wouldn't fit but wanted us to figure it out on our own, you know, to spice up our real live tree adventure. When the tree landed in the pot it simultaneously crushed it...like a pancake.

But, Bob thought I had just guided poorly and was eagerly trying to wiggle the tree into the pot except he couldn't really see that is was crushed.

At Home Depot we decided on a wine barrel because of it's rustic non plastic qualities. We were certain it was going to be awesome even though it did set us back a few bucks but at this point the money didn't matter, it was the principle. Thank goodness money wasn't the point because at this point between potting soil and a pot we collectively spent more at Home Depot than a cut tree (not that I was counting or anything like that).

When we got home we were on a mission, a mission that had Bob asking, "Who's freaking idea was this again?"

After piles of dirt were left in the driveway, on the patio, in my living room we finally had a tree.

After a few hours to let the agony that we had just gone through dissipate we were certain we had the best tree in the whole wide world.

I present, The Green Tree, one that promises to make our yard beautiful!


And as an added bonus, I present my FAVORITE ornament because you know as well as I do that nothing says Happy Birthday Jesus quite like the Star of David!


*If you would like to do this at your home, email me, I have a few pointers that will save you some time and energy cleaning and a few trips to the store.

Displaced Homemaker

Recently, while crossing the border into Canada I was faced with a simple, straight forward question and I buckled.

I suppose it is important to know that as soon as we start our approach to the border, suddenly I feel like a criminal. I feel as if the skis and luggage we are attempting to "smuggle" into the country are forbidden and if we somehow get pulled over we are going straight to the interrogation room where they will proceed to question both my husband and me separately as if one of us will crack under the pressure and confess that we are indeed smuggling fancy panties into a foreign land.

A few cars away from the front of the line and tension in the car can be cut with knife. Giggles are forced when the kids ask why it is taking so long because I giggle when I'm nervous. Finally Bob confesses that he too feels like he has committed some heinous crime and is attempting to escape to Canada to live in seclusion for all eternity.

And, yes, we were both completely dramatic about it because it is an involuntary reflex upon getting within a mile of the border patrol. Actually, the force of sudden onset of guilt at the border is so powerful it leads us to continue talking about it well into the next year after we've finally recovered from our attempted escape into said foreign land.

Anyway, on our most recent trip after finally getting to the border patrol officer going into Canada we were eased. She seemed pleasant. She was direct but courteous. And then the question came.

"What are your occupations?"

Simple, harmless question, right? But one neither me or my husband has been asked so it threw us both for a loop. My able bodied husband, answered with confidence, Plumber. Me? I was confused. Because what is my occupation? That question has an answer I don't really know the answer to. I mean, technically (and by technically I mean the job that actually has a paycheck) I am a Consultant except being a Consultant means that work is sporadic and technically I have two small jobs I am working on but that work does not require me to obtain daycare for the kids, so, technically, I am a stay at home mom, too. Although, I figured that answer would have ended me up in the interrogation room, sweating because my fancy panties were about to be exposed.

So I said, "I am a Homemaker."

Just like that.

What the heck? Is this 1950? I don't even know what a Homemaker is let alone what one does to actually make ones home.

Luckily for me and my fancy panties the border patrol officer said, "Oh, so you stay home?"

"Yes, exactly!"

Bug-a-boo!

Are you an active parent? One who finds themselves doing and exploring more with their children than you ever thought imaginable? Or maybe you aren't a parent at all but wonder if having a child means you will be chained to your house with no hope of leaving.

You are not alone.

Bugaboo International, the makers of Bugaboo Strollers, has put its collective Goliath brainpower to good use and decided that people who are doers and explorers need a place to gather on the Internet, especially those with young children.

Enter Bugaboo Friends.

The Bugaboo Friends initiative is about parents sharing their inspiration and travelling experiences with their child(ren). Bugaboo Friends wants your help telling the world that having young children doesn't mean being stranded at home, rather there's plenty of help to increase freedom of movement and keep families mobile.

Have a look and see what other families with young children are up to. Sign up and become a friend yourself. You can become a featured friend and you don't even need to own a Bugaboo to join this awe inspiring group of parents. Go on, click play, you know you want to! (Psst, I promise it won't cart you off to another site.)




*Please note this post was brought to you by Bugaboo. A Bugaboo product distinguishes itself through integrated functionality, streamlined design, intuitive handling, and distinct personality - it is smart, exciting and no nonsense.

Normal Has Never Felt So Good!

My Friday started like most days dog tired and dragging myself out of bed. But, unlike most days we actually had to be downtown by 8:30 am, no small feat with 2 small children.

We arrived early for our appointment at one of the best hospitals in country. One that actually specializes in hearts or if you want to get all technical Cardiology.

No sooner had we finished our third trip to the restroom were we rushed back to our exam room. The nurse was great. It was very clear that she loved her job and that perhaps she had done this whole thing a time or two. She was having Aspen help and encouraging her to be an active participant in her treatment rather than a victim - something not all nurses do well.

The EKG machine was nuts there were wires everywhere and on a small body it nearly swallowed her whole but my surprise is most likely because I have never actually seen one. And, this would be a great place for me to post a few photos for those of you who have never seen one either. But, you know, just getting to the appointment proved difficult so actually arriving with tools to document it was just asking way too much I guess. So, sorry, you are left with my descriptions.

After 20 minutes of tests and rigmarole the nurse leaves us to start swinging from the rafters, because hi we are in the tiniest room ever with absolutely no child-like toys and the ones in my purse played out last year and will not hold their attention for even a minute. Oh look! Here's a pamphlet on cholesterol, kids take note... your grandpa gave you bad arteries but I assure you he didn't do it on purpose. So, instead of talking their ear off about what they could be doing now to elongate their lives I let them stand on the window sill and stare at traffic on Madison Avenue because you know I am all about safety. It was better than TV because whoa that green car was AWESOME! (please note that was a direct quote).

S0, an eternity later which in real people terms was approximately 7 minutes, the doctor shows up. He listens to her heart in 27 different places and confirms that yes indeed she has a sound in the S-2 section of her heart beat that leads him to believe that a hole is likely present.

Then I died.

Because OMFG who takes a news like that with any type of composure?

After I picked myself up off the floor and found some cheerios in my purse, because hello when a girl gets news like that she needs to eat, the nurse hands me a piece of paper and sends us to the 2nd floor for a picture.

And by picture I mean the neatest freaking echocardiograph I've ever seen which is just a fancy way of saying a sonogram of my daughters heart. Except I really had no idea what I was looking at and really I was way too scared to ask. So, like any good mother I shut my mouth and watched Beauty & the Beast with the kids and munched on Cheerios, because hello thank god I had enough sense to pack snacks for this stressful event.

Forty-five minutes later we were told to go back to the 8th floor to discuss the findings.

Five minutes later we had the results....

The doctor has absolutely no idea why the blood flow during the second beat of her heart almost doubles because the hole he was almost certain was there does not exist*.

So, really, she is N-O-R-M-A-L!

Which, honestly, NORMAL has never felt so good.

And aside from tracking it and watching for a few signs we won't be seeing that doctor for a few years and if dissipates before then we won't have to see him again ever.

Can I get a HELL YEAH?


*Although I can't stop thinking that Monday I'll get a call stating we need to come back...they've found "something". After Monday, I'll feel better, I swear.

Almost Famous

Honestly, ya'll I think it's been too long since I have updated you on Kyan. I mean he's my first born and I have hardly even mentioned him lately. Really it's not because he isn't doing things that are noteworthy it's just that his sister's dramatics seem to weigh heavily on my mind whereas his shenanigans seem constant and frustrating.

And all too often once he is tucked sweetly in bed do I do my best to forget the shenanigans and remember why it is I love him with all my heart. Because, really, 4-year-old boy is the same as Apeshit Crazy and that makes a mother want to pull her hair out, well, this mother anyway.

Sometimes though, I log onto my computer once all the chillins are sleeping and rifle through the photos I've taken. And once in a while I come across one so amazing, that in one photo it seems to capture the essence of your child so precisely that even you cannot put it into words.

And, my friends, I have found that photo. And, since this photo is absolutely my favorite photo of this man child to date I could not resist sharing and faking his fabulousness for the whole wide world.

For more favorite photos, check out Candid Carrie's Friday Foto Fiesta!

Letters to Christmas and more

Dear Whistler,

Thanks for the good times. Next time would you mind snowing before the last day of our trip? Say, like day one or two? Hey, and next time could you just leave the rain in Seattle?

Smooches,
Soggy in Seattle

********

Dear US Customs,

My husband and I are not terrorists. I know we seem a little sketchy what with the two small children and family truck full of skis. Sure I can see how you may confuse us with terrorists since having a time share in a foreign country is almost the same as blowing people up. I see how you could make that mistake. I know, our birth certificates look identical. We were born in the same county six weeks apart and apparently our parents all excelled in record keeping because we both have the originals.

Also, it should really be a crime to run out of gas in the line at the border. At first I felt sorry for the guy but then rage took over. Rage somehow seems to sneak in when it's lunch time and I am stuck in border traffic which is almost as bad violently vomiting for hours but with less heaves.

So, yeah, Mr. Border Patrol we are in no way terrorists but thanks for checking.

Hugs,
Angry Mama Who Waited 3.5 Hours at the Border

*********

Dear Pediatric Cardiologist,

Could you freaking call me back? Dude, I've called 3 times. I get the feeling you just aren't that into me? Do I smell? I mean I got your number from someone legit. And, yes, I do realize that you probably have hundreds of worried parents but really your message says you will call in 24 hours and Lady I hate people who lie. And, you are totally lying on your sweet message that also states you are busy. I get it. I do. But, really, I just want someone to return my call. So, Lady, please call. I am feeling like that girl who doesn't realize that the hot boy is just not into me and, Lady, that is a lonely place.

Hugs,
The Woman Trying to Stay Calm

*********

Dear Christmas,

What the heck man? Could you just slow down a second? I haven't even an idea where the freaking decorations are and you just can't seem to stop barreling towards me. Christmas Spirit, where art thou? Spirit, are you hiding under the bed? Spirit, please find your way to me now. I can't have any of this not showing up until the 23rd like last year. THAT, almost ruined Christmas. Spirit you are on notice. You have 48 hours to find your way to my heart!

Kisses,
Mrs. No Spirit

*********

Dear Aspen,

Please don't hate me. I know the dentist thing was awful. The Dentist swears the Valium will make you forget but I know it won't. So please, do not hate me. On a side note, while you were wailing in the chair the Dentist told you he was glad you were taking your oral health seriously. And, I figured a comment like that had to go in the record book somewhere.

Love,
Your Mama

*********

Dear Food Suppliers,

Gas prices went down months ago and still you insist on those inflated prices. It should not cost me $82 for supplies to make cookies. Grant it, I plan to make half a gazillion cookies but still. Still. The only reason I didn't just tell the checker to forget it was because the amount of time I plan to have these cookies consume should make the price per hour of cookie making madness approximately $.47. So, really, those $82 cookies are almost free. ALMOST. But, only in my mind. My pocket book hates you. Actually, my husband's pocket book hates you because his pocket book is in charge of food and mine is in charge of fun. Although, maybe we should have split that bill? Regardless, take note, gas is almost free so lower your freaking prices.

Thank you,
Crazy Baker