Solution

While cruising the classified ads at lunch the other day Mr. Plasma Bag caught my eye...
Closest I've ever come to Divine intervention!

It's Still Up in the Air

I feel like an idiot. You know I always just figured my job would be there. From the beginning he always said I would one day take over the company. My worth was never in question. It still isn't except, you know, I'm not worth anything if there is nothing to be done.

Yesterday he told me June 30th will be our last day if no new work is on the horizon which, on the one hand, brings me great joy to know there is a deadline but, on the other hand, I feel like I'm fucked.

My husband is adamant about having a working wife, he believes that way everything is equal, well, as much as it can be. Working is all I know and not working? Scares the shit out of me.

When I found out a few weeks ago I needed to look for a new job the first thing I did was tell daycare. We use a home daycare and she is the only person who has ever watched my children. The problem is she is available 8 a.m. - 5 p.m. which doesn't exactly cater to working full time. She said she would expand her hours if I paid her another $1000/month. I laughed.

I am no longer laughing.

The only other place I'd even consider is, you guessed it, $1000 more/month.

At first, I thought, no problem figuring I would be making approximately 1.5 times my current salary - $1000 more? No problem. Yet, for me, the equation went on and so did my internal dialogue... Okay, so I'll go from working 30 hours a week to 50 hours minimum because I have to prove myself and if you add up the extra hours and subtract daycare and then divide by 20 it equals to approximately $7/hour and I'll not be seeing my kids twice as much.

Head spinning yet?

It doesn't add up. I can't go from 30 hours a week to 50 hours a week for $240. And people? This is life altering. I feel like I'd be selling my soul to the devil for $240 and I can't do that. I can't!

I know lots of you have already had this sort of revelation but for me? It's scary.

I know that if my job ends I will figure out how to stay at home and stay happy but can someone hold me?

My kids? I think the kids will try to kill me.

We Have a Winner in Ye Cabinets O Filth

UPDATE: Amy is the proud new owner of a pair of 7's Jeans that have been sitting in my closet yelling at me to stop being so FAT. I'm super happy they will finally find their way into a new home and hopefully actually be put to good use.

Woweeee!

That little contest was fun, wasn't?

I honestly never knew my readers were so passionate about organization before now. Ladies, I think I need an intervention. Every cabinet in my house looks like this. And do you know why? Because whenever I get a spare minute the thought of organizing them never even crosses my mind. Sure, before kids I was anal as all hell. I mean, just ask my Mother-in-law. My poor Mother-in-law lived with us right after we got married and I would freak out about the way she loaded the dishwasher. You know, because the forks and spoons were not in separate compartments. The nerve she had co-mingling forks and spoons!

Seems so crazy now to worry about such details seeing as how my cabinets could be growing lord knows what but those cabinets and their lack of organization do not even make me flinch.

And, maybe you think that is sad but for me? It is about survival.

Once I had kids and continued to work something had to give. I suddenly was faced with all the responsibility of my previous life and added a little being that needed me too. And, something had to give. For me? It was the anal retentive house keeping. Sure, I clean. But, mostly? When guests are coming over? I shove. And, I hate shoving but you know what? In the final analysis the crazy cabinets are my sanity.

So, for you? Your tidy cabinets keep you sane. For me? Untidy really doesn't bother me. Unless I show the Internet and get a little embarrassed. But, my sanity can take a little embarrassment.

How's that for defending my cabinet filth?

Onto to the results...

The answer to my question is the Remington Training Duck Scent.

I am not even sure why we have it. I mean my husband hunts and we have a lab puppy BUT never does my husband 'train' the puppy. In reality it is probably somehow my fault for hiding his 'training' scents in the spice cabinet but, whatever, I hate eating duck anyway.

Where was I? Oh! The results! I'm easily distracted today.

Correct answers were given by:

Chris
Lstrevels
Susan
Brandy
Chasidy
Amy
Tali
Heather

I love me some random.org and love me some list randomizer function. So, off I went.

Drum Roll, please!

Congratulations, Amy!

Email me at zimkandace@comcast.net to claim your prize.

Thanks for playing, Everyone!

What Doesn't Belong?

It's time for another contest. Time's up, folks! I'll announce the winner tomorrow!

And, since I was mortified when I opened my "Spice/Medicine" cabinet during dinner last night I thought it might be kind of fun to play a little game of what doesn't belong.

Here is the deal:

Take a look at the picture and tell me what doesn't belong. Sure there are several things that would probably be better off in another cabinet in another room but, hey, I make the rules around here and I am looking for something very specific. When I saw it - I was mortified it was even in my house.

1. Leave me a comment on this post but do not tell me the answer. Tell me that I'm a slob or that maybe you have the magic wand that contains the solution to my diasterous cabinet but do not under any circumstances leave your answer in the comments.

2. After you've left a comment, email me at zimkandace@comcast.net with your answer.

3. Contest ends today Wednesday May 28th at 7 p.m. PST

4. All correct entries will be given a chance to win, um, something good. I have lots of prizes in my pantry closet in my prize chest. It will be worth your effort.

Now, go forth and find what in the heck doesn't belong!

P.S. I hope this isn't easy because I swear in all my life I've never seen this item in my house and I'm sure it's been there for years.

Still Spring

Best thing that happened while we were out?

8 baby button quail hatched.

While I'm Out...

You should probably know that I am off gallivanting around having a gay old time celebrating the start of the Summer. Yeah, I know, technically Summer doesn't start until the end of June but my mama taught me rules are for sissies.

Anyway, about 5 minutes ago I thought we weren't going anywhere because the motorhome wouldn't start. And frankly I laughed. Then it hit me, let's hook it up to my car and boost it. Totally worked. Genius.

If I can sneak off to a Starbucks with my laptop you may see me again. But, that is not likely. So, have a happy Memorial Day, Internet, if I don't see you before then.

Also, I've decided to participate in Candid Carrie's Friday Foto Fiesta! Good Times.

Don't judge. We were all pickers at some point. Most of us still are.

P.S. This post is brought to you via the post ahead option just recently added to blogger. If you didn't know it existed it may change your life.

The Story Unfolds...

I have this really bad habit of never printing pictures. They all just live in a little space on my hard-drive never to be heard from again.

A few weeks ago I was searching through some photos because I was bored feverishly trying to prove to my dear husband I was, yet again, right about the timing of something. Eventually, I found what I was looking for proving to my husband, yet again, my memory trumps his (read: I totally won then rubbed it in). I won $100. Why we bet money I'll never know. Somehow he hasn't figured out that what's mine is mine and what's his is mine. He has plenty of time to learn that lesson since I am not going anywhere.

Anyway, while riffling through the photos on the hard-drive I came across some photos of my sister-in-law Ali. Immediately I could not contain my laughter. I knew exactly when the photos were taken but I had no idea what in the hell was damn funny.

Maybe it's just me but doesn't that photo make you want to crack up laughing? (Obviously I thought it note worthy at the time as well seeing as how I actually photographed it.)

Not only is she laughing so hard she is almost crying there are so many other things occurring.

Clearly, there was some wine involved and a little tinsy bit of chocolate. But, none of that explains what in the world is so funny or why Ali's shirt is the same color as the walls.

Wait, wait...then I found this.

Still doesn't totally explain what is going on or why in the world both Ali and Bob's shirts match our walls.

Last week I sent Ali these pictures because I needed to know what was so funny.

She told me it was the squirrel.

The flying squirrel, Rocky, who met a sad fate last year after we fed him some avocado. Please never feed animals avocado. It is poisonous to many.

Anyway, apparently Rocky was in her shirt and Bob was trying to catch him. After a few cocktails one night during a power outage she got the courage up to hold Rocky but Rocky did not want to be held.

He wanted to snuggle.

And, apparently his squirrel-y feet tickled - a lot!

She was relieved once it was all over.

And, in all fairness to Ali, she is normally way more under control and watch out! She plays a mean game of Mexican Train.

Normally she looks like this:
Yeah, exactly like this!

Quick & Easy Recipes

Since we are all winners around here I've gathered all 41 actual recipes from the Recipe Contest and made them available for your downloading pleasure.

Quick and Easy Recipes Here

Now you can't say I've never done anything for you!

You're Welcome.

Fighting for the Nomination

I slammed my 3 year-olds hand in the car door last night.

The following 10 seconds felt like an eternity.

***
Shut the door.

Hear my son start to cry. Process the cry. Blink. Blink.

Realize the cry was a hurt cry. Blink.

Look at his hand. I can only see half of it. Blink. It can’t be stuck, I can see it. Blink. Blink.

Grab for the door handle. Open the door.
***

He’s fine a few bumps no bruising.

But, me?
I died.
The End.

Stage 1 : Deny, Deny, Deny

First I'll tell you the boob? Totally healed. Rockin' way to start the new week, don't you think?

But people, I am in Denial. And, no, it ain't just a river in Africa. And I totally didn't see it coming.

The last time I felt this way was the morning after I found out my Mother died. I kept feeling like it wasn't real and if I lifted the phone I could call her and she'd answer. My rational mind knew she wasn't here anymore but my heart felt otherwise.

This whole job thing is exactly the same except, you know, Mom is already gone and all my minds know it.

I keep waking up and going to work because he never said not to. I feel like I am stuck in Office Space and I'm guarding my stapler hoping he won't notice for say the next 6 years.

It hasn't helped that on Friday we recieved some very promising news regarding a client in desperate need of our services. I'm trying not to get my hopes up but it's hard. How do you not get your hopes up when you could possiblily not lose your very cushy job? I should know by the end of the week.

So, for now, I'm just going to keep coming in and collecting a paycheck until he says otherwise hoping to linger long enough to actually see some work come in.

Maybe the whole 'I lost my job' thing will sink in when I wake up one morning working somewhere else.

Can it be that day yet?

Secret Six

Carrie over at Candid Carrie tagged me for a little game that I think it is meant for Sundays but I'm posting it on a Monday night. Whoa, watch out! Who knows what I'll do next maybe I'll use a metal spoon on my non-stick pan.

Anyway, I need to describe six things about myself that no one knows. Considering I feel comfortable telling you people I pee all over myself when I squat I'm not sure what else I've been hiding. But, I'll do my best.

1. I was born with no tonsils. I know! Rocking the whole evolution thing, right?

2. I want to marry Dave Matthews and have his babies, wait...I'm already married. Oops!

3. In 3rd grade I won a Mr.Yuk Poster contest using the phrase, "When you see me stay away!" I was told it would be on billboards everywhere. I was 19 when I actually found out what a billboard was - seems I was a little sheltered.

4. In my German class in high school I cheated off Jana (using her real name). One morning when the teacher asked us what we did that weekend I said, I ate my way to Portland. I had no idea why everyone was laughing.

5. I was born with 5 wisdom teeth. I had my wisdom teeth removed when I was 13 because, remember? I am smart (maybe if I say it enough it will be true.) At my last dentist visit they were all you need to have your wisdom teeth removed and I was all say what? So, yeah, I have a total of 5.

6. Tequila makes my clothes fall off.

I'm tagging:

Misadventures of a Modern Day Alchemist
Our Life with Three Daughters
Carlotta & Alotta Boys
All American Animals
Weather Moose
Not Enough Hours in the Day
Embracing the Ordinary Life

Did you see that? I just tagged 7 people. I'm over here ignoring all the rules. Those rules are meant to be broken, no?

The Moment You've All Been Waiting For...

Holy smokes, it was a long hot weekend in these parts. Saturday night I dove into a bucket of Margaritas and never looked back. So, I apologize for not getting the results to you sooner. Apparently, when you add tequila to One Crazy Chick her brain seizes to operate normally even if a hangover is not present.

Thank you for all 48 (there was a duplicate) of your entries. I have already put a few to work and have plans to make a few more this week. My family’s collective palate also thanks you.

I think that I need to take the time to point you to a few sites that may have been overlooked in the comments section of the post. Several entrants are actually chefs or play one on their blogs and have lots to offer. So check them out!

Mommy? I’m Hungry
Tart Reform
What I Fed My Kids
Dhanggit’s Kitchen

(If I missed please let me know and I’ll add you to the list)

Since I recently fell in love with Random.org I couldn’t wait to use it again. And, since Blogger doesn’t number it’s comments I took all of your entries and created a list. (I secretly believe that the List Randomizer works better than the Random Integer Generator but that is not founded by any proof – just a preference I suppose).

So, I put all of your entries into a list and pasted it into the space, like so:

Then I hit Randomize and got this:

Congratulations, May 17, 1:18PM! Carol, you can email me at zimkandace@comcast.net to receive your winnings.

I’ll be posting the recipes sometime this week in a downloadable format.

I look forward to playing again some time soon!

Public Service

Owning a Motor-home sucks.

Don't believe me?

About two years ago when my first child was still an immobile creature my dear husband thought it would be a great idea to own an R.V. Just think of the possibilities, he said. And, like with most things around here I didn't put up much of a fuss. I know that his grandiose ideas are temporary and thought hey maybe it would be fun to go camping all the time.

Except I hate camping.

Add to that the fact I hate cleaning up after a camping trip - just imagine for a second the mess you bring home when pack the whole weekend back into a Motor-home. The mess becomes Epic.

But, the first Summer wasn't that bad. A few trips in the Spring only to let the beast sit the rest of the Summer because, remember? My idea of a good time involves a toilet I am allowed to poop in. So, it sat until Black Friday where we thought it was a splendid idea to actually camp in the Best Buy parking lot for a $400 laptop. One of our finer moments if I do say so myself.

Now, it should be mentioned that if you are really serious (read smart) about your motor-homing you store said motor-home in a covered area or storage facility. But, like dumb motor-home owners we didn't think much of it. It'll be fine. First snow - huge leak, mold. No big deal, we thought. When it dries up we'll (read he'll) fix it. He fixed it.

That Summer went by we used the motor-home twice and during that time we managed to break the ac, the refer and the motor-home started to have a musky odor but nothing a day in the woods wouldn't cure. The following summer on our first trip out the plumbing busted. No shower or water for three days. I guess it's a good thing we consider camping with air quotes to be on someones front lawn. At that point we now owned a motor-home that did not have a working refer or ac or plumbing which in my opinion pretty much resembles camping with a tent. Since I hate to camp I ignored the problem and never spoke of the motor-home again expect waving in it's general direction mumbling that maybe it's time to get rid of it.

Oh! And I guess I should also mention that during a snow storm last winter the entire roof nearly caved in making the main sleeping area totally unlivable (which isn't much further from its best condition but still).

This brings us to present when we are less than a week away from our annual camping a la front lawn trip. I told Bob that going was sort of out of the question but if he wanted to go he could take the big kid and I'd stay behind to bask in the glory of just a baby to tend to. But, in his manly fashion he was having none of that. So he spent the afternoon fixing the plumbing which (shh don't tell) was the least of my worries. We've figured out a way to make what we have work but that mildew-y smell from a few summers ago about knocks your socks off upon entering.

Think of it this way, we bought a motor-home so you don't have to.

P.S. I forgot to tell you that when you use reverse sometimes the entire thing just goes dead. Start her back up and she runs fine (using that term loosely) going forward, try reverse again, dead. We should probably have someone take a look.

Couldn't Have Said it Any Better Myself

She looks like I feel. Next week will be better - it has to be, right?

A little Crack...

Please remember the contest ends tomorrow May 17th at 5pm. You can get an additional entry by telling your readers on your blog! $30 for doing almost nothing is pretty sweet!

Also, Candid Carrie is hosting a little Fun Friday Foto and since I could use a little laughter I thought I'd join in. (Click that link because her photo is AWESOME!)

Showing Daddy he is indeed his son.

And in case you haven't been around this week - life is testing me.

See for yourself.

Number 1 Number 2 Number 3

Number 3...

4, and 5? You decide.

I am not really sure I've ever had a run of bad things happen in quite this way before. Which, I guess, just tells me I was due.

Remember how I was all, "bring it on, number 3"?

Oh the universe heard me and she brought it.

My right breast is the size of a watermelon. Why, you ask? Because I am still breastfeeding our almost 2 year old (shocker, right?) and somehow many a ducts are infected. Ouch. Double ouch, still not going to a doctor because, antibiotics will ultimately make me feel worse. So, unless this fever escalates I'll be riding this one out with some ibuprofen, ice and heat.

So, my thoughts are maybe that is number 3.

Or.

Last night my almost 2 year old decided to get out of bed, slip on the sleeping bag next to the bed and slam right into the nightstand.

Black eye, cut, swollen.

So, maybe that is number 3.

But, wait, wait there is more.

While loading up a car full of plumbing supplies for his boss my husband shut the trunk - the pipes blew out the front window.

So, maybe that is number 3. Or 4, or 5.

Seriously, WTF?

All I can do is laugh.

Number 2

Yesterday was a terrible, no good, very bad day. You know because when it rains around here it pours…wait, no it doesn’t.

Growing up my mother instilled in me that bad things happen in sets of three and you know I still believe that.

Brownie had to go to the hospital to get stitches. $400 later he is as good as new, bald, but better.

When I found out I ate an entire pizza.

Bring it on, number 3!

The Crazy Chick

Remember to enter your recipe here for a chance to win $30! And, get an extra entry for posting a link to the contest on your site! Easy Peasy!

***********

Have you noticed anything different around here?

Look up! Up in the navigation bar, way up at the top, do you see it?

Welcome to One Crazy Chick! (Previously known as Touch of Chaos but that was so 20 minutes ago!)

Do you remember that contest? The one to name that chick(en)?

Yeah, well I had this fantastic idea that Delilah (we'll just go ahead and call her by her respective name) could become part of my whole thing I have going on around here which, at the moment, is totally nothing but folks that is about to change. And by about, that really means July, but work with me, okay? (I know the header = lame but I needed something that wasn't the old TOC, kwim?)

So, can you do me a favor, please?

If you link to me and it was linked to http://www.kyanandaspen.blogspot.com/ can you can change it to http://www.onecrazychick.com/?

I promise there are some pretty exciting things happening around here that will reward you handsomely or at least be fun!

A big thanks to you Internets, mmmwaaahhh!

Losing it

It's true, yesterday I lost my job.

Losing one's job can mean so many things.

I walked into work and the "we need to talk" line came out of my bosses mouth. I knew what he was going to say. We've been slow. April I billed just enough to cover my wages which is borderline in the consulting business. In my almost five years with this company I had never been so bored.

Let's start from the beginning.

I work for a small construction consulting firm (read: it's him & me) which prepares claims for large and small contractors (mostly public work) - we do other consulting as well but claims are our bread and butter. And, right now? Most of the Public Works contracts are up and the outstanding ones are either about to settle or no where near finished (read: no existing claims or new ones on the horizon).

My boss has been through a slow time once before, right after he started the business and he still hasn't recovered from keeping his employee for almost 11 months with no work. He forecasts that he will not have any new work for at least 6 months but maybe as long as 12 months. He can't afford to do that again and I understand. I am sad but I understand.

On the upshot I think, for my career, it's the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I mean, sure, I don't want to leave my cozy little office job where I work 30 hours a week but get paid like I work the Full Monty. Sure, change sucks.

But, I have faith.

I know this happened for a reason. I know that no matter what I will be stronger for having the experience of losing a job - knowing that losing a job no matter what the reason makes you feel like someone just took away your blankie and all you want to do is curl up and cry on your Mommy's shoulder. Quick, hold me.

The good news is that I still have a job that gets a paycheck and, as I understand it, until I get a job it will remain this way. Several of our clients have been begging for years for me to come just work for them directly - with higher wages. But, I am a loyal creature who enjoyed the flexibility of my hours and how they let me embrace motherhood as well as the professional world without one interfering too much with the other.

Things change, though.

And sometimes the things we resist the most ultimately make us the happiest.

My first interview is next week.

Clearly when I wrote this I was feeling fine, now, 10 minutes later, I am freaking out. My psyche is all kinds of bi-polar today!

On Making Lemon-drops...

Just when you think you've found your groove in your little life you wake up one morning and lose your job.

I say when life hands you lemons - look for the vodka!

My Baby

If you haven't already, enter your recipe here for a chance to win $30!

***************

She is my youngest child, my baby. We have that in common, though I am the youngest of 4 children and she of 2. The very nature of her birth order compels her to put on a show at the drop of hat. The photo above is the result of me asking her to show me how cute she is - that kid makes me laugh.

Like I did as a child I am sure she feels somewhat doted over - only difference I can see is that she revels in the doting whereas I thought it was annoying. (Although clearly I do like attention - I mean I have a blog, right?) So, we have that in common, too.

And while she is usually busy following her brother around she often finds time to weasel her little way into my heart and the hearts of the entire family because those eyes? They sparkle with curiosity and wonder sprinkled with a dash of mischievous.

Queue her brother when he's had enough of her getting all the attention. He's the rule follower and easy going one - generally not at all mischievous. He sweet talks his way into the hearts of our family by just being sweet and caring.

This is her response to her brothers shenanigans! (That is it, people, remember? This is about me? Never forget that - that would be a travesty. I think she made her point.)

The "Give Me Your Recipe" Contest

*************TIME'S UP! CONTEST HAS ENDED***************

Recently I’ve been feeling a little sick of what I cook for dinner.

I generally cook the exact same thing week in and week out with a few variations, of course. So, I was thinking I would look to the Internet for some suggestions. After all, I know my readers are far more creative than I could ever be.

What I am after is simple easy recipes I can be throw together after work. Think the easier the better. I don’t like to spend more than an hour making dinner – 30 minutes is my average. I know that you ladies and gentlemen have some wonderful recipes up your sleeves that you are keeping from me and I want them.

I want them bad enough to offer a little incentive to you for giving them to me!

Here’s the deal:

1. Leave your recipe in the comments section on this post. For anonymous users, please sign your name and leave your state so as to curb any anonymous abuse with multiple entries. Also, please note that blogger does not let me grab your email address so check back to see if you win!
2. I will stop collecting recipes on Saturday May 17th 5pm Pacific Time. Any comment left after that will not qualify. Only one entry per person, please.
3. I will use Random.org to determine the winner(s) and post it by Monday May 19th.

Bonus:

1. To enter the contest a SECOND time - simply write a post about this little contest on your own blog and/or website and link to the contest.
2. Come back here and leave another comment telling me that you have linked back to me.

Easy Peasy!

What you win:

$30 Amazon.com gift card! Just think of the possibilities – they are endless!

As an added BONUS – I will compile all of the recipes into a downloadable format and share the file with all of you. Because I really like you! And that way we all win!

I’ll go first! An oldie but goodie - one our family does not go a week without eating.

Campbell’s Mushroom Pork Chops (as seen on Campbell’s Mushroom Soup label)

1 – Package of Pork Chops (I prefer no bone)
2- Cups rice (whatever kind you like. I like easy so I use Minute Rice)
2- Cans of Campbell’s Cream of Mushroom Soup (I do 1 can Healthy Request/1 can regular because I am health conscience like that)
1 – Cup of milk
Salt, Pepper, olive oil and any other seasonings you like (it's Garlic for our family)

Pan Fry pork chops in a little olive oil – season with salt, pepper and garlic. Flip with a spatula not a fork – the poking makes the chops dry out. I learned the hard way. After both sides are browned add both cans of soup and I fill one can with milk (which is a cup or so). Stir together until well blended. Reduce heat and cover for 10 -15 minutes until meat is done (160 degrees). Cook rice according to the directions. Serve pork chops over rice with sauce. Enjoy!

Now I’m hungry!

Now go forth and tell me what you feed the people who sit at your table every night.

Happy Mother's Day!

To all the mothers out there I hope you are having a wonderful day! Daycare loves to have the kids do a little project for each holiday and this year they brought me these stones for my garden.

Heads up dear readers tomorrow I will be announcing a new contest! This one is going to better than all the previous ones. Also, it will be up until next Saturday to give everyone plenty of time.

Happy Mother's Day to you and yours!

Gary & Steve

Meet Gary & Steve.

Bob bought them for his birthday last November trying to fulfil the fact that he had to sell his when he was just a boy.

I allowed it.

It was a momentary lapse in judgement we shall never speak of again.




They are not all bad.

I mean besides the squawking and screaming that goes on for a few minutes (but feels like hours) every evening they seem to just have become part of the family.

And as much as I tell Bob that we need to find them a new home I would be sad to see them go.

They make quite a mess.

And also, their beauty is amazing.

They do talk but never anything we try to teach them.

They yell 'Bob' at the top of their lungs which can often be mistaken for me. They are smart - they know he responds to me.

They are very friendly to me.

Often they don't like their picture taken and they let me know it.

When we got them we were told they were a mating pair. Clearly we have our doubts.

So, do you have any unusual pets?

The One Where I Date the Internet

The first Internet date I ever had still hasn't ended.

Strangely, though, that isn't to say I have never had another one. When Bob and I met we were young - 20 to be exact. He was coming off a long term relationship that had only ended a few weeks before we met and I was, well, 20 and only ever had one boyfriend before I met Bob.

Bob and I collided in a Seattle chat-room one evening after I announced that I was SWF, 19, Bellevue. Bob immediately replied. Five minutes later he requested he call me because he didn't like typing and I reluctantly said okay. What was I thinking? I figured I was pretty safe it was just a phone call.

The great thing about the Internet is that you an opportunity to meet the inside person before getting a look at the exterior, that is to say if they are honest. Bob and I 'clicked' almost as fast as I answered the phone. After a week or so, we met in person and the sparks flew - even if his outfit was hideous.

There was a problem, however, we were young. We took our compatibility for granted and weren't treating each other like people who cared for one another. About 8 months after we met we broke up. I was devastated - something I hadn't anticipated after all I was certain I didn't really love him. After a week or so I decided the only way I was going to pull myself out my funk was to get out there again. I was 21 and the world was waiting for me or at least that is what I told myself.

I, in my desperation, turned to the Internet, again.

I used the same tactic as I had with Bob but things weren't quite as easy this second go around. I was more cautious and guarded (for good reason). Anyway, after 2 days of chatting I happened on CuteGuy24. We chatted for a few days while I wallowed in my misery of not having Bob. I chatted with him while officially looking the worst I've ever looked in my life and he didn't even know the difference which was comforting and eerie all at the same time.

After a few days I agreed to meet him. From his pictures he seemed harmless - a date in a public place in a place I was unfamiliar with I said to hell with my instincts - bring it on. I was young and not all that small - I knew I could defend myself or that is what I told myself anyway.

CuteGuy24 was not 24 AT ALL, more like 34 thinking he was 24, but a nice guy all the same. The red flags that I should not go on this date started when I was required to drive over 25 minutes because he didn't have a car. We met at a bar and when I walked in he was already eating dinner and it hadn't occurred to me then but now I see that he was a regular and probably ate most of his meals right where I found him. What was creepier than the fact that he was eating dinner when I arrived was that he stood all of 5' 6" and was skinny, something I am not and never will be. If the dude wears a smaller size than me the chances of me giving him a shot are zero. I needed someone to make me look skinny because hello remember it's all about me.

Why I didn't just turn around and go home I'll never know. So, I continued on with the most awkward situation I ever put myself in which was not making me feel any better like I had hoped. Instead I found myself missing Bob more as the date wore on. We eventually left the bar to go to the Pier because I think the guy had some grandiose idea about it being all romantic which dude you are half my size, You + me does not = romantic, AT ALL.

At the bar I consumed 1 diet coke but even before I had gotten to the bar I had consumed 1 32oz bottle of water. I didn't use the bathroom at the bar so by the time we got to the Pier I had to go pretty urgently. I reluctantly told CuteGuy24 I needed a restroom quickly. We couldn't find one. By this time almost an hour had passed and there was no question I was going to pee the problem was where.

Eventually I found a dumpster behind a restaurant and decided it provided at least a little privacy. So, there I was peeing (for what seemed like an hour) behind a dumpster on a date. I'm so classy. Now all you ladies know that the physical act of peeing without a toilet can get a little tricky. I had to pee so bad that I didn't have time to really assess the situation - I squatted because I certainly didn't want to touch anything. Well, the squat doesn't really work because it goes everywhere. So, not only was I on a date with a dude who was neither cute nor 24, I was now on a date with dude who was neither cute nor 24 while peeing on myself.

I quickly tried to adjust but remember I had to go really bad and when I have to go that bad stopping the flow is completely out of the question. I ended up with pee all over my pants and on my hands. I knew I had to end this as quickly as possible. I headed back to the car where CuteGuy24 was waiting. Thankfully, he couldn't see that I had pee on my pants but since I have no shame I told him. He laughed. And then the unthinkable happened - he went in for a kiss. I did the head turn because, ewww, who wants to find out if there is chemistry while sitting in their urine? Plus, what the hell was I going to do if that kiss had sparks? So, I left him with the cheek and quickly drove him home all while praying Bob was missing me as much as I was missing him.

To my delight, Bob called the next day.

I have never told him about the date.

Delilah

Thank you Margie, for your winning entry. Now I can't stop singing "Hey There, Delilah!"

Email me: zimkandace@comcast.net

Honorable mention goes to "Sven", submitted by Murial. I don't even know how to pronounce it but it looks all seductive, and truth be told, I like seductive.

I cannot express how exciting it was watching your entries come in. I enjoyed myself ALL.DAY.LONG! (Carol, where was yours?) The task of actually choosing a name was monumentally challenging and sadly only one person can win. I much prefer the Random.org route but a name for a pet requires diligence to achieve the right fit.

The GOOD news is, I'll be hosting another contest next week.

The even greater news, I want to hear what kinds of prizes get your goat! Obviously I like coffee, what do you like?

Inaugural "Give That Pet a Name!" Contest

This chicken needs a name. The subject of this shot is one of our minature chickens we recently acquired thinking fresh eggs would solve world hunger or, at the very least, the pangs in our home. Sadly, it wasn't until after the purchase that we realized the chickens were in fact of the minature variety and thus really only good for one thing - being a pet (well, maybe two things, I don't know about you but plucking a chicken does not sound fun - one thing it is). My initial idea was "Fred", but I know you can do better.

To enter the contest, please leave your suggested name in the Comments section of this post. One entry per person, no entries after 7 9 a.m. PST May 8th. Grand Prize is a $15 Starbucks Gift Card (Starbucks I need to quit you.) One Honorable Mention prize will also be awarded.

A chicken like this needs a creative and descriptive name. No better place to accomplish that than here with you brilliant folks. Good luck!

See below for a full body shot! Hey! I see you over there laughing at this here chicken, give the poor guy a break he's just a teen waiting for all his feathers!

Weathering The Storm

In Seattle, all conversations make a b-line to the weather. No matter what you have to say to a person the weather is like a vortex pulling you in screaming to be discussed. It’s sort of like my 1-year-old and her attention grubbing ways – simply cannot be ignored.

Recently, my sister and I started to talk about a recent storm wherein she exclaimed her joy that she no longer lived near a heavily wooded area and that she felt very safe in her condo when the weather gets out of line. Her joy, she went on to explain, was founded because during the storm of 1992 a tree fell through her barn and she watched the entire thing – glad it was just (using that term loosely) the barn, you know, housing her horses who to her are like her children.

She further explains that her Was-band insisted that they each wear a bike helmet, for their safety.

And I lost it. Thinking about her wearing a helmet around her house for her safety made me nearly wet myself. I’m laughing right now just typing the words.

Since sometimes things are funny to me in my mind but when I tell them they don’t come across as funny I thought I would include a drawing.

This is what I have pictured in my head of my sister walking around her house in a wind storm.

And, this may add some insight.

So, have you ever done anything crazy out of fear?

*******

Stay Tuned.

Inaugural Give My Pet a Name Contest Tomorrow!

The Window

You know when you call someone for service and they give a 'window'? You know, between say 1pm and 6pm and it takes up your ENTIRE DAY because the service can't seem to narrow it down to even just 4 hours? And do you know what makes a five hour window even more annoying? When they miss it.

Remember how we love us some fairs? Well a few weeks back we found ourselves at the Spring Fair which, as I've said before, is far better than insanely packed regular fair in the Fall. Anyway, it was raining and like good fair goers we were making our way through all the exhibits. (BTW when did it become legal to sell knock off purses? The place was filled with purse vendors.) I lost Bob at one point while looking for Story Time (remember so much better than the regular fair?) Eventually I found Story Time and went back to find my husband. I found him at the Dish's booth. Having just called the cable company the day before Bob was searching for something less than $1,234/month for all the channels we wanted but NEVER watch.

Bob let me make the decision. Same price we are paying now except we get all the channels? Who wouldn't switch? Oh! Those people who don't want the dishes attached to their houses? I was too lost in the savings to even worry about it. Sign us up!*

Of course, the salesman told us everything we wanted to hear to make the deal. He was a good little salesman. Can't have it installed on a weekday? No problem, we'll schedule it for the weekend! Except when they called to schedule it, of course, needed to be a weekday.

We were given the 1-6pm window for last Monday. And do you know when they showed up? 10:05 am!!

We didn't even have a chance.

As it turns out missing the Monday window was a blessing because anyone want to guess how long it took them to install it? Anyone? Anyone?**

8 hours.

Poor installer was going cross-eyed when he left our house last night at 8:57pm.

And, without further adieu, introducing the unsightly decor atop our roof!

Sort of like we are trying to contact outer space or something?

* Frankly, I've been sick shelling out all that money to Comcast anyway. And now? Since we've been customers for so long and we've threatened to leave them so many times - it feels good to actually leave them. I can't wait to make that call tomorrow and not be threatening. To actually say, Please cancel our service and mean it.

** You know I actually met Ben Stein while walking through Georgetown and even though he's so gross I was still star struck.

And the Winner is...

You know how I've been all willy-nilly recently?

Well I have today off from work which is Fantastic, except remember that contest I won? Yeah, that one. Well the booze has been diligently trying to get to me since Wednesday but, you know, since it's booze and requires a real grown up signature even if you are like this with the UPS man! So while waiting for my booze I thought to myself, self end that darn contest already! - the natives are getting restless.

As as Mark the UPS man* delivered my booze I immediately put it in the fridge to chill then ran back to my computer to END the contest.

And boy, all I can say is thank you to all those who entered! I will be holding more of these in the future because it is quite possible I enjoyed myself more than you! And, not to mention all of the great websites you referred me to. I will have enough reading material for at least a month if work continues its slow speed. Lastly, I've gained a few new readers and some readers that decided outing themselves wasn't such a bad idea - thank you and welcome!

As for picking the winners all the cool kids are using Random.org and since I could never just decide on who should win I decided to trust the true randomness Random.org offers not just the psuedo-random numbers other websites offer.

On with it, already. Sheeeeeesh.

So I grabbed all of your comments. All 16 of them - I know blogger lies and says there were 17 but someone accidently posted a second comment (which I deleted).

I then deleted all the actual comments and just kept the time stamps and pasted them into Random.org's List Randomizer.

Like So:

Now, upon using the list randomizer function I've decided that the timestamp that ends up as 1 and 2 in the list will be the winner and first loser, respectively.

And, the winner is...

Commenter April 23, 2008 at 10:24am and April 23, 2008 7:42am. Please email me and we can arrange to get your winning to you! CONGRATULATIONS!

And, to the losers, remember to me you are all Winners. Let's play again some time soon, mmm'k?

* Get your mind out of the gutter. I only know my UPS man because I used to work 5 minutes from my house and we saw him daily. And yes, he's cute!

The First Day of the Rest of My Life

That day changed the entire course of my life.

Changing the entire course of my life did not happen in a day, however. But, the choices I would soon be making would be crystal clear because of that day. When you lose a parent, at least when I lost my mom, it puts your life in perspective. You gain the knowledge that life isn’t forever – it ends – and the only thing left from your life is the loved ones you left behind who in a generation or two will have no corporeal knowledge of you.

In so many ways I look at me having a sick mother as one of the greatest gifts of my life. While I was often envious of the children who had healthy parents the children I was so envious of did not relate to their parents as I did. Often many of my friends would treat their parents as though they would never lose them. That made me sad. It still makes me sad when I see my friends do it, even now. From 13 on I knew my mother would someday die – sooner rather than later – which really means I gained perspective a lot sooner than the day she actually died although I didn’t know it at the time. She quickly became my best friend, someone I told everything to – I wanted to soak up every bit of her while I still could. I often took to sleeping in the dining room on the floor next to her hospital bed because I felt a strong urge to be next to her all the time. Our relationship was fostered because of her illness not hindered. I can honestly say my mother was my best friend.

After her death my life or rather the direction of my life was clear. Suddenly, after months of pondering whether to continue school one more year and gain a second degree was answered. I knew that I would not die wishing I had obtained that second degree. I knew that I needed to start my real life (my non-college life) as soon as possible. The sense of urgency I had was one I had not expected but then you can never anticipate what losing a parent at 22 can do to you.

I realized that I was co-habitating with my future husband. This revelation actually took place about 8 weeks before her death. Late November 2000 I was over at my parent’s house showing my mom my new dress for some family dinner we were having at some fancy place I don’t recall and I stayed there talking with her well past 2 am. See my parents had just returned from their home in Palm Desert and my mom and I hadn’t seen each other since September or so and we had lots of catching up to do. The conversation bounced everywhere and ended on the whole, how do you know he’s the one? Ultimately she told me no one but you can know if he’s the one. Sure she loved him – who wouldn’t? – After all he had spent hours baking with her on numerous occasions something even I had a hard time doing. The woman, even in her wheelchair, could sit around doing craft projects ALL.DAY.LONG. Which as luck would have it, so can my husband – for Pete’s Sake the man sews.

I knew that, even though I had given Bob the ultimatum months before my graduation that if we weren’t engaged by the time I graduate it was time for me to move on, I would wait. And at my graduation party, after he asked and once we were all alone – I looked at him squarely and said, Cutting it kind of close, weren’t you? We both laughed.

It was though everything I had been wondering about for months had a simple solution that I knew in my heart but previously I wasn’t willing to listen. Her death made me listen. It rocked me to the core and threw my entire life into upheaval. I made the decision in the weeks following her death that I was not going to have children after 30. And had my mother ever made that decision I would not be here, but I made the decision because I felt like losing my mother at 22 was not fair to me and I did not want to leave my children at such a young age. Now, years later, I realize as humans we don’t really get to decide when we leave this earth and that I have no way of knowing when I will be leaving my children and that even if I were my older brother and sister’s age the pain of losing their mom was probably really close to the same pain I was feeling.

30? Why on earth 30? You may be wondering.

In the weeks after her death it dawned on me that my mother was half way through her life at 29.5 years old. And, she didn’t even know it.

Did you know that I turned 29 last September?

It was the hardest birthday I have ever had. In fact, I can not stand being 29 – it feels jinxed to me. I am not going to be one of those people who stay 29 forever. In fact, the sooner this year can hurry up and get over with the better. This is what I was fearing because, my mom, while she’s the only parent I’ve lost and I realize 59 isn’t that old (most people live much longer) – 29 could be my half life.

So, can 30 hurry up and get here already?

It’s funny because the other day I woke up and wondered how I got here, you know, two kids, a house, a job, a life if you will and I was able to trace it back to the first day of the rest of my life. While getting here had something to do with choices I made before her death the majority came after – quite soon after, really.

**********

The CONTEST ends tomorrow! What are you waiting for?