Iron

It's true, over the weekend Bob & I celebrated 6 years of marriage.

It's funny because in the grand scheme of things all the anniversaries after number 1 just sort of commingle and fade into the distance. Sure, I love my husband. Sure, I think celebrating our marriage is important. But, it's just that our marriage has been easy. For the most part.

The first year was hard. I have never told anyone this, well, except for a few friends. While planning my wedding people constantly asked if I had the jitters. The answer was always, no. I mean, sure, a little omg I can't believe this is happening to me but aside from that marrying Bob was pretty much the only thing I have ever been certain of in my entire life.

But, once we were married I freaked. Yes, after the I do's. About a month after to be exact, which, as it turns out, was approximately a week after resuming normal life. It wasn't like I woke up one day ready to get a divorce. No, it slowly crept into my subconscious and started showing up in ways I wasn't even aware of. Suddenly, I was more interested in meeting co-workers after work for drinks then heading home.

Slowly it progressed from staying for happy hour to staying for dinner. I'd arrive home and wonder why Bob was so upset. We'd fight. I'd feel misunderstood and he was left confused. Confused because I have never been a girl who enjoys the bar and now, suddenly after 4 years I was choosing the bar over him. In my mind, I was visiting friends and enjoying my time after work. But, the truth is I was uncomfortable with my new role - I was avoiding him.

In my mind my role as Bob's partner changed. Although, it really didn't. It took a while for me to finally see that. To see that I was pushing my husband away because I was scared. See, in the immediate months following our marriage 4 very close family members started divorce proceedings. In my mind I just figured we ought to give up now because obviously divorce was now imminent and we should just save ourselves the trouble.

With lots patience and love we got through it. But, it was hard. It was hard to look deep and solve the problem instead of avoiding it. Avoiding it is always easier. Feelings get hurt easily and pride is a monster. But, in the end our marriage is better for having been through that first year. And, honestly it makes all the others seem easy.

Happy Anniversary, Bob! According to those gift charts on Google 6 years of marriage should be celebrated with gifts made from Iron. That steak we ate had Iron in it.