Google, You Crazy Beast

Like most websites I get visitors from all over the world who happen upon my site, mostly, by accident.

Let's take my visitor from New York (Hi!). She, I am totally making an assumption on her gender, was innocently (again, probably a misjudgement on my part) searching Google on "how to look like a stripper". Google sent her to me, as if, the act of having a stripper pole in my living room somehow makes me an authority on strippers. Poor poor NY (New York, may I call you NY?) probably had no idea what hit her when she was accosted by my Mommy Blog. But, if it's any consolation NY, the best way to look like a stripper is to become one. I mean, I imagine that body is mostly a result of all that exercise holding your own body weight up while scaling a pole. And also, drugs. But, not always. Good luck with your endeavor to look like a stripper I hope you continue to aim high.

Tampa Florida was searching for "kids touch asswhole" when she found me. Tampa, I can't tell you how glad I am Google doesn't auto-spellcheck because for some reason your kid touching his asswhole is so much funnier than him touching his asshole. I mean, touching the whole thing is safe but the hole, now that is just sick. Tampa, make sure your kids are washing their hands.

Fremont California searching for "baby chick foot broken is limping." Oh, Fremont, get that chick to a vet. I think. I mean we have Chicks but, um, I have no idea what to do if one were to break a limb. Maybe one of my readers can chime in on this one. I'd take it away from the others and have my mother in law build her a splint to avoid a vet bill. My mother in law is crafty like that.

Ardmore Oklahoma stumbled onto to my site by searching for "how can you tell your husband might be gay". Oh, Ardmore, there are so many ways, really. I think my husband might be gay for hundreds of reasons. It could be the fact that he sews, enjoys crafts, decorates, bakes, spends more time getting ready than I do, loves animals, kids, himself, loves to shop, loves to browse, I could go on and on, really. But, I don't want to bore you because the truth is he isn't gay despite all of the evidence to the contrary. I only joke about it. Sort of. I mean, maybe it's just a fear. Ardmore, do you want to have coffee?

And, finally we have San Diego who searched for "i wish we could sleep together". You know San Diego I was thinking the same thing...I don't get to sleep with you often enough. I wish that you could just come over and snuggle right next me. We could spoon.