Losing it

It's true, yesterday I lost my job.

Losing one's job can mean so many things.

I walked into work and the "we need to talk" line came out of my bosses mouth. I knew what he was going to say. We've been slow. April I billed just enough to cover my wages which is borderline in the consulting business. In my almost five years with this company I had never been so bored.

Let's start from the beginning.

I work for a small construction consulting firm (read: it's him & me) which prepares claims for large and small contractors (mostly public work) - we do other consulting as well but claims are our bread and butter. And, right now? Most of the Public Works contracts are up and the outstanding ones are either about to settle or no where near finished (read: no existing claims or new ones on the horizon).

My boss has been through a slow time once before, right after he started the business and he still hasn't recovered from keeping his employee for almost 11 months with no work. He forecasts that he will not have any new work for at least 6 months but maybe as long as 12 months. He can't afford to do that again and I understand. I am sad but I understand.

On the upshot I think, for my career, it's the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I mean, sure, I don't want to leave my cozy little office job where I work 30 hours a week but get paid like I work the Full Monty. Sure, change sucks.

But, I have faith.

I know this happened for a reason. I know that no matter what I will be stronger for having the experience of losing a job - knowing that losing a job no matter what the reason makes you feel like someone just took away your blankie and all you want to do is curl up and cry on your Mommy's shoulder. Quick, hold me.

The good news is that I still have a job that gets a paycheck and, as I understand it, until I get a job it will remain this way. Several of our clients have been begging for years for me to come just work for them directly - with higher wages. But, I am a loyal creature who enjoyed the flexibility of my hours and how they let me embrace motherhood as well as the professional world without one interfering too much with the other.

Things change, though.

And sometimes the things we resist the most ultimately make us the happiest.

My first interview is next week.

Clearly when I wrote this I was feeling fine, now, 10 minutes later, I am freaking out. My psyche is all kinds of bi-polar today!