I sit here on a Friday morning after a long week, exhausted – it could be any week, really, since they all seem the same after a while blending together with only minor differences but the same pattern nonetheless.
It’s been a long time coming – I’ve known that I would have to face it eventually but I have kept with the whole, if I ignore it surely it will go away, or better yet, she will do it on her own.
Sleeping left my vocabulary sometime mid 2004 and I have yet to regain some sense of what that means, nearly four years later. When you are pregnant you stop sleeping through the night because the need to pee is so urgent it wakes you at 2 am then again at 5:30 am getting progressively worse as the bean continues to grow until one night you just give up and camp out on the pot – that way you can at least rest between urges.
The peeing thing, in my opinion, is part of nature easing you into parenthood and gradually getting you used to functioning as a comatose version of your former self. The newborn days are hard – sleep is impossible with the demands of feeding and diaper explosions every hour ‘round the clock – and at first it sucks the life right out you but it doesn’t really bother you because this new being is your life now so who cares if you can’t function properly anyway.
At some point, the baby grows and slowly, ever so slowly, the routine gets to a point that is manageable – diaper changes and feedings in the middle of the dissipate, thank you jeebus. And according to the books, children become capable of sleeping through the night sometime around 3 months old but for many this isn’t realized for some time after.
But, sometimes books lie, sometimes they don’t take into account that previously you’ve ignored all advice (albeit unsolicited) and let your child sleep in your bed, sometimes books don’t take into account that you’ve only done what you’ve done for survival and that you never once considered the future because sleep now was what mattered.
And still, sleep now is what matters because I’m tired I avoid and ignore the fact that my 20 month old wakes umpteen times in the middle of the night and demands to nurse before falling back to sleep which in turn means I am getting zero sleep which, as it turns out, is the exact opposite of sleep now.
I have avoided confronting this issue up until now with the ignorance that she will be like her brother and stop on her own or with the offering of some water from a sippy, just as her brother did but she is not her brother, not even close. And for her, sleep has never come easily – she would so much rather party and be part of the action if there is any to be had, or create her own if no one else is up for it.
But, for her and for me something has to give because at this point we are both suffering. I hate that this will be difficult, I hate that I have to right my wrongs, I hate that it means no more nursing in the middle of the night, but, I love that it means no more nursing in the middle of the night, I love that it will mean 6+ hours of sleep in a row, someday, I love that it means she is getting older and independent but sad she is a baby no more.
It’s been a long time coming – I’ve known that I would have to face it eventually but I have kept with the whole, if I ignore it surely it will go away, or better yet, she will do it on her own.
Sleeping left my vocabulary sometime mid 2004 and I have yet to regain some sense of what that means, nearly four years later. When you are pregnant you stop sleeping through the night because the need to pee is so urgent it wakes you at 2 am then again at 5:30 am getting progressively worse as the bean continues to grow until one night you just give up and camp out on the pot – that way you can at least rest between urges.
The peeing thing, in my opinion, is part of nature easing you into parenthood and gradually getting you used to functioning as a comatose version of your former self. The newborn days are hard – sleep is impossible with the demands of feeding and diaper explosions every hour ‘round the clock – and at first it sucks the life right out you but it doesn’t really bother you because this new being is your life now so who cares if you can’t function properly anyway.
At some point, the baby grows and slowly, ever so slowly, the routine gets to a point that is manageable – diaper changes and feedings in the middle of the dissipate, thank you jeebus. And according to the books, children become capable of sleeping through the night sometime around 3 months old but for many this isn’t realized for some time after.
But, sometimes books lie, sometimes they don’t take into account that previously you’ve ignored all advice (albeit unsolicited) and let your child sleep in your bed, sometimes books don’t take into account that you’ve only done what you’ve done for survival and that you never once considered the future because sleep now was what mattered.
And still, sleep now is what matters because I’m tired I avoid and ignore the fact that my 20 month old wakes umpteen times in the middle of the night and demands to nurse before falling back to sleep which in turn means I am getting zero sleep which, as it turns out, is the exact opposite of sleep now.
I have avoided confronting this issue up until now with the ignorance that she will be like her brother and stop on her own or with the offering of some water from a sippy, just as her brother did but she is not her brother, not even close. And for her, sleep has never come easily – she would so much rather party and be part of the action if there is any to be had, or create her own if no one else is up for it.
But, for her and for me something has to give because at this point we are both suffering. I hate that this will be difficult, I hate that I have to right my wrongs, I hate that it means no more nursing in the middle of the night, but, I love that it means no more nursing in the middle of the night, I love that it will mean 6+ hours of sleep in a row, someday, I love that it means she is getting older and independent but sad she is a baby no more.
2 comments:
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Ahhh,...the elusive sleep. I told myself each month starting almost 11 years ago that it would only be a few months and he would sleep through the night. Fast forward two babies more and eleven years and now...I still crave those uninterrupted nights. I totally fake sometimes and kick my hubby...honey, can't you see he has to pee...go help him. Alas. I am telling myself that in just a few months they will not have to pee at night and/or go by themselves. Funny how it all starts with us peeing and now they are the ones peeing and I'm still getting up. Nothing like no sleep to remind me...more babies...not a good idea. ;) Good luck with the weening!
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